COUPLES COUNSELLING is designed for 2 people who are in a long term committed relationship but who have got stuck and need some help.
Most of us love the “happy ever after” syndrome and aspire to seeing our intimate relationships thrive and blossom over the years but unfortunately, we don’t live in a story book and we forget that real-life fairy-tale endings require hard work. All relationships need constant attention & nurturing. There are so many reasons why relationships grow stale, communication stretched and intimacy a thing of the past.
Two common causes of relationships difficulties are lack of communication and emotional distance.
DO YOU RECOGNISE ANY OF THESE?
Work/ life balance, different goals and values, different parenting styles;
Financial issues, life stage issues/ life changes, Illness/ death;
Children, Elderly parents, school choices;
No sex / not enough sex
pornography, internet addictions, low sex drive; anger & frustration;
abusive behaviour / addiction, controlling behaviour;
affairs, infertility, gender choices;
stress, jealousy, anger, lack of trust.
Any of these can lead to arguments, feeling unheard, and of course, often the first thing to go is sexual intimacy. But certainly, the fun and excitement of the early days are a distant memory.
Couples counselling is a talk therapy that provides a space for you both to talk through your issues, understand what factors are influencing the present state of affairs and look for ways to resolve the conflicts or attend to differing needs.
Couples counselling sessions will often end with homework. This usually relates to the session and will ask you to continue the work at home.
Please be ready to commit to 6-10 sessions weekly. After the first block of sessions we might agree to work fortnightly. We always start off the work together but I am happy to do separate sessions if that fits the work. The couples contract and honesty still holds. When we get back together openness about everything discussed is expected.
Session length :60 mins
YOUR RELATIONSHIP IS IMPORTANT SO HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
As a psycho-sexual & relational psychotherapist I am highly trained and would be happy to work with you as you try to reclaim your relationship but do remember- you do the work, whether it is about communication, healing hurts or reclaiming your sex life.
MY WORKING COUPLES THEORY: is based on the idea that we bring our experience of how to do relationships, based on childhood experiences, into our romantic partnerships. Some of these ideas are not well thought through and were developed in order to keep us safe as children and don’t work as adults. We also may look (maybe not consciously) to our partners to fill the “emotional” gap for us. This puts untold pressure on the relationship. Don’t be worried, its normal and even has a proper term: Attachment Theory. Using some basic concepts, we can learn to understand our own behaviour and improve our relationships. It will involve talking and being honest.
SO WHERE DO WE START?
- Here’s a simple idea: reclaim you date night. This can be as simple as a bottle of wine in candlelight when the children have gone to bed or a night out. But remember to be interested in the other person not yourself.
- Have a look at The 5 Love Languages by R. Chapman. Maybe read it out loud to each other in small chunks and discuss what you have discovered.
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